When Shyam found a “sui………….” note!

“Dear World,

There are times when you feel you are on one end of this word while everything and everybody else is on the opposite side. You feel desperately alone, awkwardly depressed and unfortunately alive. Every one of us would have had such situations at least once perhaps many times. Some times this feeling is superficial and overcome-able. But sometimes, you try very hard. You try your best to be out of it. But the more you try the deeper you get into a state of horrendousness.

Presently, the above said is my status. Since the start of this year my life has given me an exact opposite of what I asked for. I ask for good, it gives me bad. I wish for a good job and a great life it gives me hideous failures. But I have been picking myself up.

At times listening to soft music or reading a nice book would make me strong enough to try again. Like Shakira sings “Pick yourself up and dust yourself off” I used to sing those inspiring and soothing lines from a few of my favorite songs and feel better. I would not mind trying again. When the pain of failure was deep I would help myself by abusing myself with the help of profanity (I’d practice this act in front of the mirror and it would help me) I am born with a curse; I cannot cry very often. But there were times when I even went to the extent of crying.

Somehow I kept myself afloat for a lot of days. I saved my energy for many more failures to come. Slowly my optimism seemed to fade. I became more and more certain of my failures. I would apply to jobs with a hope that I wouldn’t get it (yeah you read it right) lest I get a heart attack for not failing. Now that I had tasted the bitterness of failures (it looks like I find failure a delicious dish) and now that I expect failure in every step I take, I should have become thick-skinned. But that didn’t happen. Every failure knocked me down.

Now I have decided not to be a prey for any more failures. I have decided to end my life.

I would want to have a ‘future’, a ‘happy life’. I’d like it if only I can wait till I can tell my kids how I convinced myself out of a decision as this. I’d like to motivate them by telling how I never gave up. I’d like to get a good job, settle down in life, marry someone very nice, have kids, and take care of them. Oh yeah I would love to do all of the aforesaid. But as of now, none of it sounds like a nice plan. Everything good seems too farfetched to come true.

Whenever I read about suicides in a newspaper I always thought “People who die are selfish, they don’t care about how their loved ones feel” but that’s not the case. Nothing seems good around them. Nothing would matter to them anymore. That’s the kind of damage sadness causes to any man. Nothing has motivated me to live, inspired me to achieve ever-since the thought of suicide entered my mind.

I am still not sure if I have the courage. But this seems like the only solution. I only wish I could feel better without sui………………………………………”

It was late in the evening. Shyam had just left the office. He had had a long day at work. He could kill anybody for food; he was that hungry but didn’t have a penny in his pocket. He had gotten robbed earlier that day. He had a lot of things to worry about. His boss had given him a heavy load of “Take-home” work. He was walking past an apartment when a paper flew across his eyes and fell on the floor in front of him. As if programmed, Shyam picked the paper up. He wondered why he picked the paper up since he was so pre-occupied with his own worries. But he turned the paper. It was a letter. He read the letter. At first he thought that the paper must have flown from a trash can. When he ran his eyes across the paper he realized it was incomplete and was very fresh and crisp to be from a trash can. It took him three minutes to understand the matter. He hurriedly went to the apartment. It was the only apartment in the street. He asked the security guard to come along with him explaining to him that someone in the apartment was attempting for a suicide. They both knocked at all the doors in the apartment.

The whole apartment started looking for the person who was going to die. They all wanted to rescue him. There was only one door which didn’t open after a lot of knocking. All the men somehow broke the door and entered inside. There was a man sitting at his desk writing something. He did not make a move. All the people thought he was dead. Shyam hurriedly ran to him. He asked the others to call an ambulance. When Shyam went near the desk, suddenly the man turned towards him and asked “Who the hell are you? Why are you in my apartment” and he turned to find so many people at his place, he was shocked “How in God’s name did all of you get inside my apartment? And you broke the door!”

Shyam showed him the letter and said “This is why we all are here. Thank God you are alive. But! Have you taken poison or have you cut your wrist! Are you ok?” Shyam looked worried.

The man burst out laughing in spite of a broken door and so many intruders. He said “I’m Sorry to have worried all of you. I am a writer. I was writing a new story and I lost this sheet. Heavy wind you see, it flew.” All of them let out a sigh of relief that he was okay and Shyam, though a little embarrassed laughed out loud.

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• Tagged: funny, incident, story, suicide